times of being times of dying. just a nice short interval and back to reality. feeling consistent.

things were a bit out of hand. i shouldnt say this this early. but how come at the beginning of the year i am staying late and taking naps already? this is simply not right. still insecure about the whereabouts.

always debating if i should challenge myself and feel good and live up to the expectation *empowered,* or simply take ones that i feel good about myself *self-respectful.* I am not sure if this will be another notorious semester for me again. Yet it seems that every time I try to avoid making this happen, I am doing exactly the same thing. A self-reinforcing cycle. A self-fulfilling prophecy.

try to seriously take care of myself. this is hard, really hard. eat healthy, sleep well, clean up daily, wear makeup if in a good mood and take some time for a cute outfit. no more thought to waste time for others. rather save it for myself. so far, so good. actually not really. sleep is always the most inadequate thing. making me feel spiritual bankruptcy. like shattered brain, if i dont sleep well. and this gets back on me soon enough. things cant be done. without quality sleep.

also want to organize things and priotize things. reading hasnt been assigned that much. and try to use some notetaking to avoid lastminute cramming. try to preview lessons and feel prepared. and try to do things efficiently (this never ever ever happens. whats wrong with me.) just slow. i can never be hyperefficient. indeed last-minute person.

shop for a couple of seminars. not a positive outlook. either hard or packed. no place after petition for me either. get rejected for an econ class. wtf?!!! i will see how my term looks like.

i am not whining. to be true, i am happy with what i am doing. and for the first time, having a major in mind, shopping for classes that will be constructive for my major. meeting professors to talk about future options. and having experienced the five classes in a row craziness.

be a good nice girl this time. :D

love,
sj